This song is about the lowest point in my life that I'm not happy with. When I was in my late teens and early 20’s I went through a bad break up that really affected me mentally. I was young, it was my first love, it was the only kinda love I knew, and I didnt know how to cope when I didn't have that person anymore. I was drinking almost every night, and had to be put on antidepressants. If you didn't know, you’re not supposed to drink while on antidepressants, kinda defeats the purpose, but I was anyway. By the time I was 21, I was still struggling with my mental health and drinking all the time. The only thing that helped me feel just a little bit better was going out, drinking, and talking to someone who had any interest in me. I thought at the time I was searching for the next love of my life, but after a few days or weeks of talking to that person, I always found something wrong that made me run away.

It wasn't until years later, after I finally got the help I needed that I realized I was never going to find that person. At least I wasn't at that time. I didn't realize at the time that I wasn't even looking for a person, I was just looking for someone who would make me feel like I'm alive again, like I'm worth something to the world. I fell in love with how euphoric the honeymoon phase was. Not knowing anything about each other and getting to learn everything from the start felt like love to me.

But once that honeymoon phase started to fade, and real life started to move in, I would get scared and run away. And I would keep repeating this toxic cycle week after week. I was too scared to get hurt again that I totally shut everyone out. Everyone who ever saw some light in me, I never gave them the chance and communication they deserved.

For that I am so sorry to anyone and everyone I ever hurt during that part of my life. I can't go back and change anything and I know these words don't change anything nor am I trying to make an excuse. I just hope you know that I am sorry and wish I would’ve gotten the help earlier. miss it all