I wrote this song about my struggles with my mental health. In my early twenties I was dealing with some issues that I’d never felt before. There would be days where I’d wake up and my whole body would feel like I just got hit by a train. I was tired all the time, lights would hurt my eyes, and it almost seemed like I saw things vibrating. It was probably one of the scariest times of my life, it felt like I was tripping on a drug but it never wore off. I walked through my life almost feeling like it was all a dream, nothing felt real, it felt like I wasn't the one really living in my body. I went to so many doctors over the course of 2 years and none could really tell me what was wrong. I was put on all types of medications that made me feel worse. It wasn't until I started doing my own research that I came across something called derealization/depersonalization. Here’s an overview: “Depersonalization-derealization disorder occurs when you always or often feel that you're seeing yourself from outside your body or you sense that things around you are not real — or both. Feelings of depersonalization and derealization can be very disturbing. You may feel like you're living in a dream.” I discovered that and that's exactly how I was feeling. Once I discovered that, I thought it would be best to see a psychiatrist. Luckily, they were familiar with what I was going through and were able to prescribe me medicine that helped balance out my life and got me back to feeling normal, which I will be forever grateful for.

The point of this song, I think, is more about spreading awareness and less about my experience. It’s terrifying to deal with something that completely changes the way you feel. It's terrifying not knowing what's going on with your body and how to fix it. I hope this song can help anyone else out there dealing with the same symptoms I felt. I hope this song makes people feel less alone, and less scared about sharing your feelings. Mental health is so important and I hope you know you’re not alone in this world. If you want to know more about derealization, you can read more here: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depersonalization-derealization-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20352911#:~:text=Overview,re%20living%20in%20a%20dream.

This song is also inspired by one of my favorite bands and albums. Brand New - The Devil And God Are Raging Inside Me