miss it all

"Drowning myself in one night stands, tryna make this high last more than a weekend"

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Behind The Lyrics

This song is about the lowest point in my life that I'm not happy with. When I was in my late teens and early 20’s I went through a bad break up that really affected me mentally. I was young, it was my first love, it was the only kinda love I knew, and I didnt know how to cope when I didn't have that person anymore. I was drinking almost every night, and had to be put on antidepressants. If you didn't know, you’re not supposed to drink while on antidepressants, kinda defeats the purpose, but I was anyway. By the time I was 21, I was still struggling with my mental health and drinking all the time. The only thing that helped me feel just a little bit better was going out, drinking, and talking to someone who had any interest in me. I thought at the time I was searching for the next love of my life, but after a few days or weeks of talking to that person, I always found something wrong that made me run away.

It wasn't until years later, after I finally got the help I needed that I realized I was never going to find that person. At least I wasn't at that time. I didn't realize at the time that I wasn't even looking for a person, I was just looking for someone who would make me feel like I'm alive again, like I'm worth something to the world. I fell in love with how euphoric the honeymoon phase was. Not knowing anything about each other and getting to learn everything from the start felt like love to me.

But once that honeymoon phase started to fade, and real life started to move in, I would get scared and run away. And I would keep repeating this toxic cycle week after week. I was too scared to get hurt again that I totally shut everyone out. Everyone who ever saw some light in me, I never gave them the chance and communication they deserved.

For that I am so sorry to anyone and everyone I ever hurt during that part of my life. I can't go back and change anything and I know these words don't change anything nor am I trying to make an excuse. I just hope you know that I am sorry and wish I would’ve gotten the help earlier. miss it all

Lyrics

I kinda miss the days

I miss the feel of your tongue

When you sat on your knees

Like water in my lungs

Yea we both knew what we had

Just wasn't enough

Yeah i'm sorry I don't know how to open up

I remember the night

I laid in your arms

It was just one time

But it felt like love

Wish I could bottle up this feeling

To have when you’re gone

I'm sorry I can only

Love when I'm drunk

I miss the way I fell for you

So innocent so in the mood for you

Say this high will last more than a weekend

I fell for you

Taking all these pills trying to

Balance out my mental health

Never thought I'd miss anybody

Out from my hometown

But I see you in everything

Yea I taste you in every drink

I hate the way I feel

When I wake up all alone

But I can't stomach facing

What you'll hate when you know

All my flaws

Yea Im scared

I'll love all that you are

Then you'll leave me for dead

Cause I was never enough

I miss the way I fell for you

So innocent so in the mood for you

Say this high will last more than a weekend

I fell for you

I love the way you made me feel alive

Still needing all your company tonight

Holding on to every curve of your body

I miss it all

Drowning myself in one night stands

Tryna make this high last more than a weekend

I fell for you

I miss the way I fell for you

So innocent so in the mood for you

Say this high will last more than a weekend

I fell for you

I love the way you made me feel alive

Still needing all your company tonight

Holding on to every curve of your body

I miss it all

Here are a few other variations I had for the album art. The place I felt most alone was in my own bed. Some nights I would have a rush of emotions flowing through my mind and I wanted to portray those emotions in the art. At times I felt so alone, angry, like I was drowning, like I was living in a dream, and like I didn't have control over my life. So thats how I wanted the art to look.

These are the first demos of miss it all. Hope you enjoy!

miss it all demo 1

miss it all demo 2

miss it all demo 3

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